Dear Dad,

    I’ve been away so long, I thought I should write to fill you in in what I’ve been up to.  You didn’t try to stop me when I first became bored and thought I wanted to leave our perfect home.   In Your wisdom, You knew that couldn’t really happen and you let me fall asleep and dream that it was so. 

    Such adventures I have had, You wouldn’t Believe.   I have to say that maybe I didn’t use the unlimited creative powers you gave me wisely and ran a little wild.  I was in a rebellious state and to be honest, I didn’t want my world to be the least like Yours, so I made everything exactly the opposite, just for the hell of it.  First I decided Oneness would have to go.  That didn’t serve my needs at all so I dreamed up duality as the basis of a thought system that would ensure the continuance of my kingdom.
 
    In place of your ever expanding universe of love,
I made up ‘life’ like a carousel, seeming to advance but never really getting anywhere and always reinforcing duality.   Now, away from Our Home, I had unlimited scope for my inventive mind and each new idea built on the one before ending up with such a complicated thought system, no one could ever fathom out what was going on.
 
    I wanted my world to be different, so I dreamed up form with a multitude of individual bodies with different sexes, colours and shapes and provided built in obsolescence to everything here.  It was one of my best ideas, as nothing here lasts forever, I could deny your existence as a loving God. Constant change was the order of the day:  I set it up so that the only way anyone could exist was to kill in some form or other living off someone else or being killed themselves.  As a result it meant everyone has to live here in a state of fear knowing that something or someone will get you eventually.  No matter how hard you try to avoid it ageing and death is inevitable.   It doesn’t make as much sense now as it used to, as I’m not quite as insane any more, but it sure seemed like a good idea at the time.

    I know You wouldn’t have any idea what I mean, but I thought up my own ‘trinity’ of sin guilt and fear giving me the opportunity of categorising people to suit my needs.  The end result was always pain.   ‘Pain’,  Did I tell you about that one.  I found when I experienced pain I could not experience You, which suited my delinquent mind perfectly. Sex was  another ‘good’ idea, because with it I could seem to join and yet remain separate  . I could even imitate your creative power by creating other separate bodies. It kept my mind occupied for quite a while, let me tell you. I thought pleasure and pain were
different never realising they were opposite sides of the same coin.  ‘

    Sickness’ was also a ‘brilliant’ idea as it gave me a feeling of isolation and separation from my brothers and of course, You.   The powerful mind you gave me enabled  me to deny it was all my own idea and in this amnesic state I could blame someone else for my lack of peace and condemn You for setting up this horrible world in the first place.

    Throughout the dream I’ve been searching for some new experience never realising all I ever wanted was to return Home again.  I’ve done everything and been everywhere, many times over.  In my mind I’ve experienced every possible alternative. I’ve been a murderer and a saint, a king and a pauper. I’ve been male and female I’ve lived in every kind of body all over the world and in every universe.  I played the role of victimiser and victim and switched from one to the other frequently. I’ve been beautiful and healthy, crippled and diseased, .  I have died as an infant and lived to be very, very old.     I have been generous and kind. I’ve been hungry and I’ve been greedy and uncaring.   Not that I didn’t have fun playing all these dramatic roles, rebelling against you in every possible way. If they ever hand out academy awards for our performances here, I will at least will be nominated in all the categories.
   
    I managed to forget most of the time Your Love for me was changeless but there were periods when my guilt of leaving you made me feel very unworthy and I had this crazy fear, it would only be a matter of time before you would catch up with me.   I tried to totally fill my mind up with unlimited distractions  to avoid thinking about You and Your Love.  

    You remember how I wanted to be special. Well let me tell you in my dream, I achieved just that.  I knew somehow you would never treat me as special as you can only love every one of your Sons equally, so an idea came to me I could find someone else who would.  I thought this would solve all my problems and I would never need to think about my guilt again.  How wrong I was.    I soon found out special love is constantly changing and isn’t love at all. After a while the shine goes off everything. I realise now my attachment to those special people and things represented my guilt as the purpose of the relationship was to cover it up.   By listening to your voice in my mind, I am slowly learning how to change my special relationships to holy ones. I know that I must love my brothers as you love me or I have no chance of ever knowing you,  
   
      I thought I made a real mess of things and You would never forgive me, but deep down I think I always knew that regardless of what state my mind is in, or whatever I think I have ever done, and no matter how wretched I thought I was or am now, You remain oblivious to all these experiences I am talking about.   You know nothing at all of this nonsense and have never changed your mind about me, nor would you ever do so.

    All through my insanity I have had Your gift of the Holy Spirit in my mind,  constantly and gently leading me back to my real Home with You.  I’m beginning to tire of the dream in which all the miriad of  alternatives always end up looking the same.      I am waking up gradually and looking forward to coming home to You, this time for good.

    Thank you Dad for your patience.


                    Your prodigal Son


Reproduced from “Miracle Link” newsletter by kind permission of
Bill McDonald, PO Box 516, Newport Beach, NSW 2106, Australia